Back to School: Questions to Ask Your Child to Make Sure They’re Settling In
Posted: September 07, 2026
“How was school today?”
“Fine.”
If you’re a parent, there’s a good chance you’ve had that conversation more than once.
The first few weeks back at school can be a big adjustment for children. There might be a new teacher, a different classroom, new classmates, changing friendship groups or completely new routines. For children starting Reception or moving up to secondary school, almost everything can feel unfamiliar.
As adults, it’s easy to focus on the big things. But sometimes it’s the little things that are taking up the most space in a child’s head.
Do they know where the toilets are?
Do they know their teacher’s name?
Do they know who to ask if they need help?
Do they have someone to sit with at lunchtime?
These might seem like tiny details to us. To a child who is trying to find their feet at school, they can feel enormous.
Ask Better Questions Than “How Was School?”
One of the best ways we can help children settle back into school is simply to give them opportunities to talk.
Rather than asking a broad question like “How was your day?”, try asking something specific:
- Who do you sit next to in class?
- What is your teacher called?
- Who did you play with at break time?
- Who did you have lunch with?
- Do you know where the toilets are?
- What do you have to do if you need the toilet during a lesson?
- Who would you speak to if you needed help?
- What was the best part of school today?
- Is there anything at school you’re still not sure about?
You don’t need to fire all of these questions at them at once. Pick one or two when you’re walking home, sitting in the car or having tea.
The Answer Is Often Just the Start
The important part isn’t necessarily the answer to the first question.
The question gives you an opportunity to delve a little deeper into what’s going on in their head.
If you ask, “Who did you play with today?” and they give you a name, you could follow it with:
“What did you play?”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Who else was playing?”
“Is that who you normally play with?”
A simple question about playtime has suddenly given your child an opportunity to talk about friendships, confidence and whether they feel included.
The same applies if you ask who they sit next to. Do they like sitting next to them? Have they spoken to them? Do they feel comfortable in their new classroom?
You’re not interrogating them. You’re opening little doors and giving them the choice to walk through them.
Small Worries Can Feel Very Big to Children
This is something I think we sometimes forget as adults.
Imagine being five or six years old and needing the toilet but not knowing where it is or whether you’re allowed to ask.
Imagine walking onto the playground and not knowing who you’re going to play with.
Or imagine being a new Year 7 student, walking around a much bigger school, trying to remember classrooms, teachers, timetables and hundreds of new faces.
To us, some of those problems have simple solutions.
To the child experiencing them for the first time, they might not feel simple at all.
And children don't always come home and say:
“Mam, Dad, I’m struggling to settle into school.”
It might come out as not wanting to go in the morning, being unusually quiet, getting upset over something that seems unrelated, or simply giving you very little information about their day.
That’s why those little conversations matter.
Give Them Somewhere Safe to Talk
As parents, teachers and coaches, we can’t remove every difficult experience from a child’s life — and we probably shouldn’t try to.
What we can do is make sure they know there is an adult who is interested, who will listen and who they can speak to when something doesn’t feel right.
So during these first few weeks back at school, try asking some of the little questions.
Don't worry if you don't get a huge conversation every time. Keep the door open.
Because sometimes “Who did you sit next to today?” can tell you far more about how your child is settling into school than “Did you have a good day?”
Andrew Keogh
Head Instructor
Blue Wave Taekwondo, Washington
At Blue Wave Taekwondo, we work with children from across Washington and the surrounding Sunderland area every week. Building confidence isn’t just about learning martial arts — it’s helping children develop the confidence to communicate, make friends, overcome challenges and ask for help when they need it.